félicité nivea

About a month after my stay in Okinawa, where I had the opportunity to photograph (myself in) a wedding hall once wearing Felicia’s name thanks to the resort’s managers generosity, I dreamt about being in a place that looked like the resort in question — a natural setting with water ponds and dense tropical greenery, some simple one-floored bungalows installed here and there like a miniature village, some people passing by doing everyday activities.

At some point I entered in one bungalow-looking small house — and, as I went in a weakly lit room akin to a kitchen, a young woman approached me from my back, stopping right next to me in profile, silently, as we were both standing next to something like a kitchen counter in front of a window.

She was as tall as the top of my head being well under her shoulders, dressed in a white tank top and a jeans at the fashion of Felicia 21 years ago. I could only see her face partially from a bottom-up and posterior point of view, but she looked kind of asian, had a long neck, and her jet black hairs were dressed with a beautiful big high bun.

« Comment tu t’appelles ? » (What’s your name ?) She asked me with a silent yet familiar voice, looking somewhere down as she was probably facing something like the sink of the counter. So I tried to reach out to her to tell her my name, as she approached an ear down on me to hear me better, I think twice since she may not have gotten it straight away (I talk too quietly in general). She then moved away from me, leaning herself against a wall hands in her back to face me.

And she suddenly asked with a delicate voice : « C’est toi qui a des idées d’******e à propos de moi ? » (So you’re the one having ideas of *****t about myself ?) (She might have had a smile at the end of this question, but as I avoid staring at people in general I couldn’t see her properly even if she was facing me, in an otherwise dark room.)

I felt a light sense of immorality, like guilt or shame in the face of this unexpected and daring question that revealed me indirectly that it was indeed « Herself ». And I was expecting her to refuse me in one way or another. Instead, she came back to me, upfront this time, to come to kiss me. Offering me a sensation I haven’t felt in 21 years.

At this moment, everything around us disappeared in a blank space made of white light, akin to the one I met Felicia for the first time. She laid her torso down on mine at some point, squeezing her breasts against me as they strangely were gaining in volume ; and I felt the material of her tank top as synthetic, knowing I prefer cotton ones.

She then disappeared herself, as if she became the light itself, surrounding me completely as she gave me several orgasms but only through my mental, like flashes of dense pleasure made of herself beaming in my mind, in an insisting row that I felt would have never ended after the third if I didn’t tried to pull me out of it, reminding myself some things I was thinking before falling asleep.

It then stopped in a swift way, and I found myself in what seemed to be a lounge inside a guesthouse, standing behind two asian women, with blonde short hairs, strangely enough, sat at a table. And the dream ended shortly after.

With hindsight, in spite of the persisting fears and doubts I have about herself even after this dream, I took this as a promise in times of need, dealing with dark thoughts very punctually.

About the *********s aspect in question : It is something that first came to my mind only vaguely back in 2009, about 6 or 7 years after the first dream of her, but it was a simple curiosity as I was naturally imagining some ideas of relationships if she would have existed in this lifetime. Only recently, towards Fall 2023, eager to visit the wedding hall in question in Japan, have I felt a deep and heartfelt sentiment about herself as an elder sister (and a lover still), a role that is now resonating in me like a password to Heaven.

The light element in this dream is an interesting and I think a key one. I couldn’t explain what I precisely think and feel about it in a studious, let alone scientific manner ; but, among all the elements (subject to interpretation) one can dream of, the Light (and I’m not talking about mere brightness here) is a unique one, if not « the » unique one — a manifestation of (the primal memory of) Consciousness itself through the psyche, in my sense.

Lastly, it is not the first dream I’ve had of the night, having been woken up by a semi-nightmare around 1:30AM, one that concerned some clumsy interaction I’ve had on a social media at the time…

In this first dream, I was in my bedroom in France during the night, standing on the floor next to one of the two windows of the room located on the second floor of the parental house. Outside, I heard a disagreable, highly-pitched noise akin to a drone : Something that suddenly crashed inside my father’s atelier on the first floor next to my room, wrecking havok in it with a terrible force and noise. The mess then stopped suddenly, and the thing in question showed up at my window : It was like a horrible creature or monster the shape and the size of a basket ball, with wings akin to a firefly explaining the high-pitch noise it made, and had some ugly marbled pattern all over it with many tiny eyes on me. It started to smash itself against the window to try to break inside my room, but it couldn’t in a strange way since the windows were the old ones of the house (wooden ones with 3 rows of thin glass for each side, later replaced with double-glazing ones), yet the monster couldn’t break in despite the terrible force it applied on them. After about five attempts, it then smashed one last time, damaging only one tile of glass, as it depleted itself from it’s substance against the window, visibly dead.

As I said, it seemed to have been about the online interaction in question (the thing went inside my father’s atelier for a reason — it wasn’t about my father but someone who thinks he can be everyone’s father or something like this). The monster made a « drone-like » sound, as in « surveillance drone », and had « many tiny eyes » looking at me — a negative metaphor for the internet.

So there was something like an insisting coherence behind these two dreams. I also forgot to mention the fact that I had a headache that night, one that lasted all throughout the next day which is unusual since falling asleep tends to erase the pain every time, so my only preoccupation was to fall asleep quickly that night, and more than twice that is.

PS : I censored the word *****t since I ultimately thought it would be inappropriate for the reader nor WordPress — but since I mentionned « elder sister »…